Disclaimer: thee following was performed on an insane person by another insane person, and as such, neither of us feel responsible to any people out there who try this and have it go horribly wrong. dig it.
Thee Inspiration:
ReSearch #12: Modern Primitives must have inspired greater excesses of aberrant behaviour than any other book around (with the possible exception of thee bible). I bought a copy from AuGoGo records in Melbourne, and made thee mistake of showing it to an associate of mine, Siaoubo. She was very taken with thee genital piercings that some of thee gentlemen in that book sported, and being a very dominating personality, didn't take long to talk me into submitting to having a Prince Albert piercing. For those of you who don't know what that is... read on.
Thee Preparation
After searching (in vain) for a jeweller that made stainless steel ear-rings, Siaoubo had one make up a ring of 9 carat gold, about two centimetres in diameter, 2 millimetres thick, with a catch the same width as the rest of the ring (I had a piercing in my left ear; the ring had a narrow catch that occasionally got caught in the hole - ouch!). I became slightly concerned when I asked her, "What are we going to use for a piercing implement?" and she produced a very ragged-looking six-inch galvanised-iron nail! I responded with my favourite John Waters quote: "No fucking way, Aunt Ida!", and we settled on a screwdriver that we angle-ground and filed down to a fine point. It still felt rather rough, so we went over thee end with fine sand-paper. Lovely.
Thee First Incision
...was done on a Friday evening... we carefully washed thee target area with dettol and a dilute solution of Hibitane (which Siaoubo tells me tastes terrible - I'll take her word for it). We had considered encouraging an erection, but I thought that thee less blood in that extremity, thee better (as it turns out later, I was right). Propping my generative member up on thee back of a hardback issue of Clive Barker's Books Of Blood (no symbolism intended, it was thee only thing handy), she slowly (arrggh!) drove thee screwdriver in thee end of the urethra and out through thee base, just behind where thee head joins thee trunk, bashing it down into thee book (aaaaaaaaarggh!) to make sure that it had gone through. It had. She wiggled thee screwdriver out of thee book, revealing about a centimetre of sharp metal protruding from thee base of my penis. She withdrew thee implement and quickly inserted thee ring, snapping it shut. there were two or three drops of blood; that's all. It didn't hurt as much as I thought it would.
All in all, it went quite well... except, thee exit hole was a little too close to thee end for my liking -there was more of thee ring exposed than was hidden:
After a second appraisal, Siaubo agreed with me and told me that we would try again thee next evening (whimper). Thee Second and Third Incisions
We had gone to see thee r-rated version of Hardware at thee Valhalla Cinema that evening... that may have been a mistake... this time, Siaoubo assured me that she would put the implement through the right spot, ie:
Thee screwdriver went in as before... although it seemed more painful this time... there is a covering of loose skin at thee base where thee point came out, which somehow got mis-aligned with the hole through thee urethra, which meant that once we got thee screwdriver out, we couldn't get thee ring through. "I think that the swine of a hole has closed over," Siaoubo said, "I'll make another," and before I could object, she pushed down on thee screwdriver again. Looking for thee hole, she squeezed my penis, which resulted in a distressing amount of blood ("oh, I had, er, another nose-bleed, mum..."), and no more success in getting thee ring thorugh thee hole than thee second attempt. Seeing that my face had gone pale (I'm not accustomed to seeing that much blood down there), she relented, and said that we could wait for a week or so before trying again. Oh thanks, Siaoubo. Two days later: it felt like some sort of animal has been trying to chew my dick off, but it is improving.
Postscript
We never did get around to moving thee piercing... she insisted on trying it out, though, and said, afterwards, that it wasn't very much different from regular sex and that she thought that Genesis P Orridge was full of shit. This was thee beginning of thee end of our relationship.
All work on this site is © Nikolai Kingsley unless otherwise stated.