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jape
- Proposal
- An Incredibly Complex Jape, at the expense of Sandy Turner, Sysop and LTUAE-er
- Day 1
- Equipment is assembled, consisting of two helicopters, each with its own array of high-resolution colour video cameras and telephoto lenses; secret base/hideout to be established, equipped with Amiga 3000 with bloody large hard disk, SuperBase and a colour frame-grabber. Custom-designed loom, for high-speed weaving of terry-towelling, with laser- printer based dye system. Two medium-sized Zeppelins with winch-ladders.
- Day 4
- Surveillance on A Certain Residence in Doveton to begin. Helicopters to make two passes each day, at high altitudes (so as to not arouse suspicion), orienting on the very bright orange roof. Videotapes of the washing line to be taken from as many angles as necessary, to determine size, colour and general composition of the washing dangling there. Colour videotapes to be made, for later frame-grabbing and entry into SuperBase, until a comprehensive database of Ms. Turner's Towel Collection can be established. Surveillance to continue until all towels are in the database; projected time, two weeks. (this presumes that, i) Ms. Turner will not purchase any new towels for the expected duration of this jape, and ii) she doesn't tumble-dry them, in which case a hit-squad will be commissioned to 'take out' the tumble-dryer. an anonymous donation of a washing line (ostensibly for access to Decadence) will be made before the hit, to allay suspicion.
- Day 18
- Construction of five full sets of duplicate towels to be made, from images stored in the database. For each individual towel, successive duplicates exactly 18 percent smaller than the previous will be made, the last towel in the series to be approximately 37 percent of the original's size.
- Day 22
- Helicopter surveillance to resume. When washing is seen to have been hung out to dry overnight, sets of replica towels to be loaded onto the Zeppelin, flown overhead (silently); commando teams to switch the towels for their smaller duplicates. This to take place over a period of no less than ten days between exchanges, giving the impression that the towels are slowly shrinking.
This to continue until Ms. Turner decides that this strange towel-shrinking episode is worth mentioning in LTUAE, in which case the Jape will be deemed to have succeeded.
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