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The Dirt
I can think of several reasons why none of my associates want to sleep with me, but "you're so kind and trusting - I feel I can come to you with my problems" is very low on the list. And yet it happens. There should be a word for that particular kind of angst you feel when someone you desperately want to drag into bed sits up with you until four in the morning in someone else's living room telling you about how lonely they feel and describing, in detail, the people THEY want to sleep with. Much later, I sigh to myself and think, "What can you do?" Well, one thing you CAN do is to type it all up and post it to talk.bizarre. None of them read this newsgroup - well, most of them don't - but, hey, ask me if I care? I'm not a priest, so why should I take confessions? Jeff once told me, after having downed most of a bottle of tequila, that he had a deep-seated dread of wetting his pants and was engaged in a search for an undetectable nappy he could wear under his jeans. Then he broke down, cried and said "Don't tell anyone, or I'll die of embarrassment." Cameron happened by a few minutes later and told me that Jeff had revealed some terrible secret to him only a few days ago, had sworn him to secrecy and did I want to hear it? Archly, I told him "I really thought you were above that sort of thing, man." Alannah, also drunk on too many glasses of the Emperor Mike's fine wine collection, confided to me that she'd slept with Cameron and Richard, but I wasn't to tell anyone, particularly her insecure SO, Gareth, because it'd make him feel suicidal. I was waiting for Richard to tell Gareth this himself sometime; they spent enough time with various bits of each other inserted into various orifices while hiding in the bathroom, Goddess knows. I'm surprised the neighbours didn't complain about the squelching noises. Oh, there was something about Janine having a urination fetish but I think she was just trying to claw her way up the weirdness ladder in my estimation. I was tempted to send her over to talk to Jeff. ... no, sorry, i can't keep writing this. |
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