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Free Pagers > FREE PAGERS! > Sent right too your home. > > Call l-BOO-GSb-ZBKG and tell them you want too > sign up for a free pager. > Give them I.D. # ZEEKlT. And, of course, the bastards showed up the next day. I couldn't count them all; way too many. Perhaps that's what the guy meant when he said "sent right too your home", emphasis on the "too". I could hear them, milling about out the front of the shop, occasionally ringing the doorbell. When I lifted up the blinds to look out, they all pressed up against the window, grinning like speed-freaks from a tooth-paste commercial. Men in their early thirties, all wearing the same kind of charcoal grey suit, with live monkeys worn around their necks, suspended by their tails like living ties. "We're your PAGERS!" they shouted, not quite in unison. Some of them were still saying it when the first few had finished, so they shouted it again, and within seconds, they were all bellowing it, each trying to be heard over the other. The monkeys chattered wildly in fear. I pulled the door open dramatically and screamed above it all, "GO ON THEN, ASSHOLES. PAGE!" There were more than a few moments of silence. "Well? I don't see anyone PAGING. Come on! PAGE for me, fuckstains!" They seemed somewhat taken aback at my outburst. The neighbors, of course, were used to hearing this sort of thing from our office. I glared at the nearer few, who backed away. They remained silent; I slammed the door and went to reset our server, which had crashed again. I think I heard some chittering monkey sounds after that, but nothing from the pagers.

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